porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
