I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize