he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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