yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
