Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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