i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
