At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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