it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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