So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i love accidental penises.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize