A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
