I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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