The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
