White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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