I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
