is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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