I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
