...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
