I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
