just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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