Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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