Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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