theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
