I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
