i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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