Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
