i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
