shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
