Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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