I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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