worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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