Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
