its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
