and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
