im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize