So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
