I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
