We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Drunk is not a location!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
