You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize