I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
