I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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