I puked a lego.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize