just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
