don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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