I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
