2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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