he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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