her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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