at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
