as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
