you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
