no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
