the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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