so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
