I puked a lego.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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