I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
