Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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