i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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