I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's official drugs can't kill me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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