i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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