We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
