did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize