Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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