i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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