Say something about gay babies.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
